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Enough time has passed to give me some perspective on my teenage years and I can recognise that I was hell on wheels, an absolute nightmare of a teenage girl. So I'm terrified of my daughter's (rapidly) approaching teenage years. A new book, What Teenage Girls Don't Tell Their Parents offers some answers.

Michelle Mitchell, mother of two, school teacher and creator and driving force behind Youth Excel, a charity devoted to working with teenagers, has written a book offering parents some support when parenting their teenage daughter. Right off the bat I'm impressed with her advice.

"Sure, I'd trust (teenagers) to put out the garbage or to cross the road safely - I might even trust them to do their homework. But I couldn't give them the same trust I would give a mature adult. Complete trust and teenagers should never be put in the same sentence."

I agree wholeheartedly. Enthusiastically. There was no way I could be trusted when I was a teenager. But I know the problem is not going to be the decision to be strict enough. I know right now, even though she's only three, that Matilda is going to be a master manipulator and that I'm going to struggle to stay two steps ahead of her. She has astutely assessed my weaknesses and is already adept at exploiting them (as proven by the massacre made of parent child discipline on Saturday night). I plan to be very strict - until faced with my children's pleading countenance and then I crumble.

Like most Gen X parents raised by a liberal-minded Boomer, at a basic level I believe that children will be trustworthy if we bestow trust upon them. My Dad tried very hard to raise me that way, despite its repeated and spectacular failures. I'm not sure how much my parents really know about my secret life as a teenager, but I'm pretty confident they'd age another 10 years if they knew just how close we came to major disasters along the way. There were some unbelievably close calls. And it's those close calls that make me shudder today. And fear for Matilda.

When I was a teenager I was such a liar. I couldn't lie straight in bed, as the saying goes. And Mitchell says this is common of all teenage daughters, no matter how much a parent wants to believe it's not true."How do you know when a teenager is lying? Her lips are moving" is her reassuring take on teens and their manipulative ways.

The publishers have only sent a chapter of the book for reveiwers to read, which is very disappointing. While you can get a sense of the tone of the book from one chapter, we can't judge what advice is being offered over the whole book without first reading it. The author's logic may be flawed in places, her suggestions too extreme or impactical in some cases.

Having said that, I could find no fault in the chapter we were sent, Chapter 4. Much of this chapter was given over to a section comfortingly titled, "Avoid Being Manipulated":

"Whenever your daughter uses the word 'trust' it should ring warning bells in your ears. Assume then if a conversation starts with, 'Don't you trust me?' that indeed something is up and you are likely to have some reservations about whatever it is. Keeping the conversation focused on trust instead of further discussion about what behaviours your teenager is planning is the very first thing that many teenagers do when they want their own way. They hope they can pressure their parents into feeling obligated to trust them."

I remember so many arguments with my parents beginning with "Don't you trust me"...!!

Mitchell's message is based on giving parents the confidence to stick to their guns when they know they should say no. She urges parents to trust their instincts more and avoid the pressures that teenagers, and the media, puts on parents to let their children grow up faster. She also discusses peer pressure and how that impacts on your previously trustworthy, reliable daughter, corrupting her into a lying, deceitful and highly wilful child. And of course, she's included the horror stories and scare tactics of just how badly things can turn out if we don't get it right. Teen pregnancy, drugs and alcohol feature in her stories. Eek!

Finally, she outlines a broad brushstrokes six-step plan to manage your teenage daughter - be honest, create the right mindset, think therough the consequences ahead of time, have realistic expectations, plan for positives, be prepared to follow through (which is where I fall down a LOT).

She concludes the chapter with a section, "What to do when nothing is working".

As already mentioned, I would have liked to have read in more detail her advice, but based on one chapter it's pragmatic and based on real experiences (which I find much more valuable than academic advice offered based on studies).

She speaks plainly and without any pretension and her advice appealed to me greatly. If you've got a teenage daughter, or a daughter who will soon become a teenager, this is probably worth reading. No matter how well intentioned we are, it often helps to get some solid guidelines and support for the tough stand we sometimes must take as parents.